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Windows 98 Source Code

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In exclusivity, the main programm of µ$oft's Windows 98 Operating System. All programmers will enjoy ;-)

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

void main()
{
    while(!CRASHED)
    {
       display_copyright_message();
       display_bill_rules_message();
       do_nothing_loop();
       if (first_time_installation)
       {
           make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
           do_nothing_loop();
           totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
           search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
           hang_system();
       }
       write_something(anything);
       display_copyright_message();
       do_nothing_loop();
       do_some_stuff();
       if (still_not_crashed)
       {
           display_copyright_message();
           do_nothing_loop();
           basically_run_windows_3.1();
           do_nothing_loop();
           do_nothing_loop();
       }
   }
   if (detect_cache())
      disable_cache();
   if (fast_cpu())
   {
       set_wait_states(lots);
       set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
       set_mouse(action, jumpy);
       set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
   }

   /* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */

   /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */

   printf("Welcome to Windows 98");

   if (system_ok())
       crash(to_dos_prompt);
   else
       system_memory = open("a:?swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
    while(something)
    {
       sleep(5);
       get_user_input();
       sleep(5);
       act_on_user_input();
       sleep(5);
    }
   create_general_protection_fault();
}

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We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was
also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a
French restaurant. [...]
I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk
white BMW and her Jordache smile. There had been a fight. I had punched her
boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls. Everyone told him, "You ride the
bull, senor. You do not fight it." But he was lean and tough like a bad
rib-eye and he fought the bull. And then he fought me. And when we finished
there were no winners, just men doing what men must do. [...]
"Stop the car," the girl said.
There was a look of terrible sadness in her eyes. She knew about the
woman of the tollway. I knew not how. I started to speak, but she raised an
arm and spoke with a quiet and peace I will never forget.
"I do not ask for whom's the tollway belle," she said, "the tollway
belle's for thee."
The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie.
Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey
onto my granola and faced a new day.
Peter Applebome, International Imitation Hemingway
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